Name: Shia LaBeouf Alias: ['973-eht-namuh-973', 'HoneyBoy', 'The Human', and 7 unknown...] Classification: Artificial Organic Computer Race: Human Gender: Male Birth: 6/11/1986 Biological Age: 34 Earth Years Chronological Age: N/A SCAN Rank: | A A | A B TIIN Rank: | B C | C B Reviewer Rank: 3 stars Organizations: - 973-eht-namuh-973.com - Hollywood Occupations: - Actor - Hype Man Relationships: - The Honey Variables: $CANNIBAL: -0.80 | # We hope not, but all the evidence seems to indicate he is. $WOKE: +0.40 | # He seems partially-woke.
Running for you life (from Shia LaBeouf)
He’s brandishing a knife (It’s Shia LaBeouf)
Lurking in the shadows
Hollywood superstar Shia LaBeouf
Living in the woods (Shia LaBeouf)
Killing for sport (Shia LaBeouf)
Eating all the bodies
Actual cannibal Shia LaBeouf
— from Rob Cantor - “Shia LaBeouf”
The Human is a champion of mankind; a defender of the weak, and a protector of the innocent.
He just needs to feed from time to time.
Counting all the assholes in the room
Well I’m definitely not alone, well I’m not alone
You’re a liar, you’re a cheater, you’re fool
Well that’s just like me, and I know you too
Mr. Perfect don’t exist, my little friend
And I tell you that again, and I do it again
Counting all the assholes in the room, Well I’m
Definitely not alone, well I’m not alone
— from Volbeat - “Still Counting”
The Human has found his HoneyGirl.